I may not live in South Florida anymore, but I can still Hurricane Party with the best of them. Does it matter if we don’t actually get hurricanes in Atlanta? No… totally not an important detail. I’ll just sit in my coat closet with a bottle of wine, a bag of Tostitos, my iPhone, earbuds, and listen to music and watch movies until Spotify and Netflix finally kill my battery. Maybe if I’m REALLY quiet, the kids won’t even find me! ;)
However, the CONE OF DEATH is approaching, and you all need to be completely ready for the storm. If you want some shopping list tips for hurricane preparedness as Hurricane Erika looms in the Atlantic Ocean…. read no further, turn on some Jimmy Buffet, and bring this shopping list with you on your Target run so that you can “Hunker Down” the right way!
1. A tent. Because the lines at Home Depot start freaking EARLY. You will need to camp out for at least a day before the storm hits to ensure that you obtain your plywood, nails, 17 jugs of distilled water, and garbage bags.
2. Beer. When the power goes out and you no longer have internet access and television, you’ll need this so that you can handle dealing with the current state of your life. Plus, you’ll want to drink it right out of your dead fridge before it gets warm. Warm beer is gross.
3. Basically everything in the chips/salsa/cookie/candy aisle is entirely appropriate for a hurricane party.
4. Extra pool toys, for when your front yard turns into the new city aquatic center.
5. Hot dogs. Who’s up for a BBQ during the quiet half of the eye of the storm? It’s nice and sunny outside… why ever not?!
6. Wine. When everything in your fridge is completely inedible, now is the time that you’ll want that case of wine. Hard liquor is also an appropriate option.
7. Spray paint. Everyone knows that you need to spray paint your plywood with anti-hurricane epithets after you board up your house. It’s part of the rulebook.
8. Powdered coffee, or if you’re fancy, a French press . This is a no-brainer. If I had to live without coffee for two weeks of lost power, I would LITERALLY go insane. I mean. Seriously.
9. Ice cream. Wait, what? But you know the power is going to die approximately 1/3 of the way through the storm. Once that happens, break out the ice cream (and the beer). You’ll have NO CHOICE but to eat it before it melts.
10. Backup battery chargers for your phone. Because when the neighbor’s trampoline goes bouncing down the street, you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want to miss putting that special moment on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and whatever else you can manage to post to before your phone carrier completely goes down!
OK – in reality, we all know that hurricanes can be very serious events. I grew up in the age of Hurricane Andrew, and ten years ago, Wilma knocked out my power for 2 weeks and caused all kinds of damage all over my neighborhood.
Seriously, if you live in Florida, just go buy a generator and you won’t ever have to worry about any of this. You can continue eating all of your refrigerated food, drinking your cold beer, and watching Bryan Norcross on the Weather Channel as much as you please!
I hope this post gave you a good laugh, and hope that everyone stays safe! Happy Hurricane Season, folks!